I am now at the end of a nice, relaxing, gloriously empty weekend. I did almost nothing all weekend long: I caught up on some backlogged TV I’ve been missing, drank a lot of tea, and sat for what feels like the first time all week. The only fly in the ointment of my wonderful weekend was a creeping feeling of wishing I was home.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t crying into my pillow singing “Deep In The Heart Of Texas” or anything, but I found myself wishing it was possible to get in my car and make a quick trip to the place where they know all my quirks and the fridge is stocked with Coke Zero. I miss my needy, fluffy white cat who demands milk on the reg. I miss my bed and the sound of the fan in my face while I sleep. I miss being able to hop in my decade-old creaky truck and drive anywhere I want, which is usually to the friends I’m sadly used to missing. I miss my parents and my sister and the feeling of being undoubtedly connected.
And all this missing makes me really annoyed. Here I am in a world-class city with the most wonderful and accommodating family and the most dynamic job and part of me is wishing I was sitting on the couch begging Ace to sit on my lap. It’s mind-blowing. After a long week of standing all day every day and mastering new concepts and being constantly “on”, all I want to do is sit and not move. But when I try to sit and relax, boredom creeps in. And with the boredom comes the missing.
I’m lucky, really. My “homesickness” is really more temporary discontent brought on by boredom than a crippling longing to be home. And once the week starts and I’m going and doing and working, I’ll forget I even thought about being home. Because the truth is, though I’d love to be able to drive home after work to my own bed in my own apartment with my own cat (can you see a cat lady trend forming here?) I wouldn’t trade what I’m doing here to have it. This is such an amazing opportunity, and one that I know will be over far too soon.
If the date on the calender isn’t enough to tell me the time to return to Texas is drawing nearer (October 7th!? Where’d the last month go!?), it seems that planning for the next stage of my life is about to begin. This week we have a “Team Texas” day, and I think we’re going to get some more details about what our lives in Dallas will look like. As a planner, I’m pumped to get a clearer picture of the next year. I’m excited to browse online for the place I’ll someday call home and to pin the crap out of home decor on Pinterest.
I have a tendency to focus on looking forward (or backward at times), and in doing so I miss the details of what’s going on around me in the now. I have to remind myself that though my bed at home is comfy and my car is convenient, and getting a new apartment and decorating it is fun, the real beauty and joy of life is in the present. And right now, the present is too good to miss.